ONE SHOT

Where would I be if I were totally free
What would I do, who would I be
If no one I knew needed anything from me?
I could run from it all,
Hide from the pain, flee from the hurt that drives me insane.
I could silence the voices I hear in my head; the whispers that tell me I’m better off dead.
I would no longer have to battle the fear
that I’m a failure at life and
I shouldn’t be here.

I wouldn’t look back at the mistakes I have made,
eternal regret and shame that won’t fade.
I could stop being angry that I need to stay here
because my decision to end it, would scar those I hold dear.
No past would haunt me, no future to see,
One shot, it’s over and there’s no more me.

Some shake their head, say it’s a selfish way out,
but they don’t understand what the sadness is about.
It’s not about them, it’s not about life.
It’s not about ‘having’ or doing what’s right.
Success doesn’t change it, you can’t ‘shake it free’,
You look in the mirror and don’t like who you see.

Positive thoughts won’t change how you feel,
The pain is still there and the struggle is real.
Like clouds in the sky, fear follows you around
Just lurking and waiting to kick when you're down.

I’m blessed, yes, I know this. I have more than most.
But none of that matters when you’re fighting a ghost.
It’s a spirit, of sorts, that dwells in your brain and darkens your thoughts again and again.
Nothing to live for,
No way to be free,
Just one shot, it’s over and there’s no more me.

But today I rise up and fight one more time.
The sorrow I feel, it is real. It is mine.
Maybe today, I can get what I’m due
And find something good to carry me through.
One sliver of hope is all that I need
to help me hang on, to plant a small seed.
They say just an acorn can grow a great tree.
If not, then it’s over and there will be no more me.