The Greatest Man I Ever Knew

I recently took an online class and was offered the chance to attend a webinar on collegiate and creative writing.  It was led by a wonderful, positive, full hearted, amazing woman named Lucretia whom I immediately adored. She was discussing the power of words and effects books could have on us. She asked if any of us had one with special meaning. Immediately I volunteered 'Love' by the late Leo F Buscaglia and told her it changed my life. He was a teacher at USC in the late 60's who had a student commit suicide.  This had a profound effect on him. He felt the educational system was teaching students without considering the human side of them and this led to the formation of a class and several books on the subject of 'love'.  While some of the other teachers made fun of his ambitions, it went on to become one of the most sought after non-credit classes. Everyone wanted to 'learn' whatever they could about love.  The book "LOVE" was based on conversations that took place in those weekly classes.

        I say it changed my life because until I read it, I'd been afraid of my own shadow.  I grew up an awkward kid, never feeling like I belonged anywhere because I was adopted. My parents were amazing and I thank the Universe for them daily, but  still always felt out of place.  There was also the issue of my dad who never grew up hearing the words "I love you" from his mom, so he never really learned to say it to us.  I knew he did, but he couldn't say it.

  My friend, Mark Shireman gave me the book (another animated Italian friend, no less-a fact you'll appreciate if you read the book), and it gave me the courage to start telling my dad that I loved him.  I was in my early 20's at this point.  Initially, he just looked at me, then after awhile he would mumble it back.  It was as if it pained him to say it.   Once my mother called me, at my dad's request, so she said.  "You're father wants me to ask you to stop saying I love you.  It makes him uncomfortable and he feels you should KNOW he loves you by his actions."

   At that time, Reba McIntyre had a song out called "The greatest man I never knew". I don't know if you're familiar with it, but its about a wonderful father, who never told his daughter he loved her. The last section of the song says: 

The greatest words I never heard

I guess I'll never hear

The man I thought would never die

S'been dead almost a year

He was good at business

But there was business left to do

He never said he loved me

Guess he thought I knew

I couldn't get those word out of my head, so my response to his request was "Tell him I said, no. I will not stop saying it because when he's gone someday, I don't want it to be the one thing I didn't get to hear him say."  There was a long silence before she simply said, "Okay".   I kept my word.  I said it repeatedly, whenever we spoke and one day, he called me.  His big, booming voice was unmistakable, yet the message he left on my machine was "Vicky, this is your father. I just called to see how you are. Call me back when you get this. I love you."

I'm pretty sure I cried. He never stopped saying it after that.  Every message he left me, when every visit was over, he hugged me and told me he loved me.

  My dad died in 2005. Not a day goes by during the last 11 years, that I don't miss those messages.  I like to think wherever we go when we die, my dad met Leo Buscaglia and thanked him. Dad always willingly gave me his love, but Leo helped me hear it, too. 

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I miss you every day.